Coming into this weekend of thanks, I want to express my gratitude for the job I’m going back to on Tuesday. To anyone close to me this may sound like an odd thing to give special thanks to. I’ve been talking and thinking about how much I DO NOT want to go back to work since the moment I first held my first baby. I love being home with my babies and the thought of going back to work has been looming and breaking my heart for months. I easily swell to tears any time the topic comes up and avoid thinking about it as much as possible. My core value in life is family and this has never been more passionately expressed through me, as it has been these last two and a half years raising my children.
I’ve allowed myself to feel sad about going back to work. I’ve shed tears, I’ve wrote in my journal, but I never let myself linger with that feeling. I let the feeling come, the tears shed, but I take a deep breath. I will start a guided meditation, put on a good song, or best of all do something meaningful with my kids and shift the mood. Feeling sadness is human, but I won’t let those feelings consume me. Instead I’m choosing to see the positive in the situation. If you look hard enough you can find something to gain in anything, even if it’s a lesson.
So instead of dwelling on the fact I’m going back to work and letting those thoughts ruin this weekend I still have as a stay at home mother; I want to express my gratitude. Surrendering to the situation and making the most of it.
I remember when this job was one of the things I was most grateful for. It was during a time of cuts to funding in Sciences through out the Government and my department was slashed in half. I retained my position but rumours were spreading about more cuts ahead. I applied to this new position and studied and competed for the tests and interviews and in the end received the offer to move half way across the country to accept it.
This job has given me financial security. It’s funded the trips I’ve taken, the home I own, my hobbies and my passions. It introduced me to my first new friends in Ottawa and brought me to this beautiful city in the first place. Nova Scotia will always be my home at heart, but Ottawa is where I call home now.
Ottawa is where I met my love, my finance; it is where we made a home together. This is where I carried my two babies and where they were born. Ottawa is where they will grow up and I suppose also the Hockey team they will cheer for… maybe 😉 Ottawa is where I discovered new passions like yoga and then the world of coaching and a group of like minded women beautiful inside and out. Since moving here I’ve met women here who have now become my best friends. All because my job brought me here.
My job is the reason I was financially able to stay home for the 18 month option of maternity leave. I truly enjoyed every minute of it. Every cuddle, every kiss, every tantrum and wiping any tears. Sunshine days at the park, pushing their stroller through the snow and splashing in the puddles in the rain. This time home with my children is so precious and sacred to me, I am forever grateful for this time with them.
This job led me to this moment in my life right here and right now. Exactly where I am meant to be, happy and grateful for my two perfect little babies and their father, building our new home together and on to new adventures ahead.
On Tuesday morning when I drop them off for their first full day of daycare, and my first day back to work since what feels like a lifetime ago; I can promise you I am going to cry. I’m probably going to bawl my eyes out.
I am grateful.
Want to talk about finding gratitude in your life? Send me a message, lets chat.